The meaning of confidence
by Assassination
Summary: Ludwig knew that comments on Alfred's weight bothered him more than anything. Alfred knew that gossip of how cold Ludwig supposedly was hurt the kindhearted man beneath the stone-faced mask he sported to protect himself. [Human names used.]


**Assassination's note:** This was mostly just a self-indulgent Germerica that kind of got away with me the further it went. Originally it was supposed to be about how they help each other with their self-confidence issues (like how Alfred's picked on for his weight), but something about it changed somewhere along the way. I liked the title too much to even try to think of one that actually fit, sadly. Also, tenses change later on. Sorry about that, I don't know what happened there.

The sexual content in here isn't _ridiculously heavy_ , but it's there all the same. So, I'm pretty sure I won't get in too much trouble. (I'm more careful with what I put on this site since a long while back...) I didn't want it to take away from the point I was trying to make while typing this up. If it doesn't shine through but is enjoyed regardless, I'll still be happy.

Their human names are used in this! Just a head's up!

* * *

There were times that a passing insult or comment would affect the person in question. Be it their self-esteem, confidence or mental state. Other times, it was a running joke that they could laugh at regardless of the fact it was still cruel.

Sometimes America ( _Alfred_ ) would grit his teeth and bear. He would laugh, a wondrous boisterous melody if you didn't realize that he was playing the fool. That behind such a cackle is underlying hurt and weary of the act he had to keep up. How the wall had taken quite a hit.

The same went for Germany. Though, he managed to keep a straight face despite how much it hurt. Take the hits, bear with it, don't let them see the kinks in your armor. He's dealt with verbal beatings before, just as everyone else has. Though, once alone, Germany ( _Ludwig_ ) would sigh as he sat on his bed, defeated and tired.

But they knew each other well enough to tell the signs when they'd finally had enough and couldn't continue the charade any longer. They would stand by one another, simple actions like that relieving some of the ache. They would reach out in subtle ways to let them know it's okay. It's all going to be okay at the end of the day. Just a little longer and the pain will stop.

Ludwig knew that comments on Alfred's weight bothered him more than anything. Alfred knew that gossip of how cold Ludwig supposedly was hurt the kindhearted man beneath the stone-faced mask he sported to protect himself. They knew that their nations influenced them greatly and sometimes it was too much to bear alone.

Alfred would always slide his phone over during a meeting whenever Ludwig would get quieter than usual. Most times it was a stupid dog meme, other times it would be a text of how they should hit up this fast food joint after the meeting. He would grin triumphantly whenever the barest sign of a smile edged its way across Ludwig's mouth. The small wins like that let him know that Ludwig appreciated the effort.

Ludwig would always help Alfred keep a somewhat balanced diet and workout with him the second winter ended. He would motivate him, both as a drill sergeant and as his partner, to the best of his ability. It was obvious from the start that he had no clue how relationships worked. At least, not entirely. Which was perfectly fine for them because it was like being best friends with the added benefit of dating.

* * *

Alfred initiated their first kiss, chaste as it was.

They'd finished eating at a restaurant of Ludwig's choosing that day, seeing as it was his turn to pick. It had been semi-formal and the food had been amazing. Something Alfred made _very clear_ , much to Ludwig's amusement and the other patrons' chagrin.

Once they were outside and heading back to Ludwig's house, Alfred had gone on an excited rant about a project they should totally work on sometime in the near future. Also putting emphasis on how awesome it was going to be. He'd taken hold of Ludwig's hand at some point during his mile-a-minute speech as he waved his other hand around in the air. Ludwig had blushed from the touch but had listened patiently until Alfred finished.

He liked Alfred's out there ideas and loved how exhilarated he got whenever he talked about them. The others thought they were childish and stupid, but tended to forget that in hard times...sometimes those were the best to hear. Even if the speaker knew they'd be shot down because of how far-fetched they were.

Something Ludwig did as kindly as he could. The attempt was kinder than England's, at the very least. Which Alfred was happy for.

At some point during their walk, Alfred had looked up at the star filled sky and glanced at Ludwig out the corner of his eye. Ludwig had noticed his stare almost immediately and his ears turned a dusty pink as he averted his gaze. The shyness behind it had caused Alfred to smile and squeeze Ludwig's hand as he cocked his head toward him with a pleased hum. Ludwig had turned his head to look at him after a minute and Alfred leaned in close.

And just like that, he kissed him. Soft, chaste and slow, letting Ludwig know he could pull away if he so desired.

He didn't. Instead he kissed back just as softly.

It was perfect.

* * *

There were days when they simply needed each other in the sense of just touching. Alfred would run his fingers through Ludwig's hair after a long, exhausting day of being _Germany_ and taking control of a meeting that got a little too chaotic. He would ruin the slicked back look that Ludwig took hours to do. Alfred would make sure that he chipped away at the image of Germany until he found Ludwig and kissed his forehead once Alfred found him.

It would be a slow, tedious process sometimes. Ludwig couldn't easily shed the shell some days and Alfred would keep running his fingers along his face until Ludwig relaxed enough to let go. He would press his forehead against Alfred's chest those days, trusting Alfred to catch him before he fell too far.

They would remove each other's clothes slowly and without rush. Always letting their hands explore well known paths and knead out any tense muscles. Their kisses would be just as languid, lingering every once in a while as they held on and simply breathed. There was no sense in rushing when they had all the time in the world.

Alfred would urge Ludwig to lay back, inching his pants and boxers off as he did so. He would ask him to turn around and lie down on his front. Ludwig would duck his head each time, hesitant just like the first time until Alfred placed a calming hand on his knee. A soft repeat of the request would be uttered, alongside a promise that he'll stop if it becomes too much. All Ludwig has to do is tell him to stop and he will.

That's all the reassurance Ludwig needs to comply and Alfred moves to straddle his thighs, hands brushing over Ludwig's lower back. It's feather light, like the times before, as they skim upward. Alfred sits down, his hard-on resting up against Ludwig's rump, kneading at the knots in Ludwig's back until he lets out a breathy groan and relaxes.

Ludwig eventually tucks his head into his crossed arms, eyes falling shut and trusting Alfred with all he has. Something Alfred cherishes and adores, protects it with everything he's got. He treasures the love he's given and gives the same in full.

Alfred never rushes when they're like this, alone and content with what they have. He works Ludwig's muscles thoroughly until they're lax and makes his way down. He ignores his own need in favor of making Ludwig feel good. Alfred always pauses when he reaches Ludwig's lower back again, hands hovering, anxiously waiting for the go ahead even if he knows Ludwig will give it.

He puts them on the firm mounds of flesh once given the accent and continues massaging. Sometimes, Alfred leans forward and kisses between Ludwig's shoulder blades. He'll leave a trail of them up to Ludwig's ear and whispers about how much he loves him. How perfect Ludwig is, just the way he is, and fuck anyone who says otherwise.

How he'll always be perfect to Alfred.

It never ceases to have Ludwig turn red and stare at Alfred as if he can't believe he was so lucky to have him.

* * *

There are also the days where Ludwig has to pull Alfred back from being _America_. All the negativity and harsh insults thrown his way tend to make him itch for a fight. Alfred is young, just like Ludwig and many others. He has to hold his own against the older nations and seem better than they think he is. It causes unnecessary stress and pressure where it isn't warranted.

Ludwig's used to dealing with it, Alfred has trouble with it.

It's hard peeling America away just as it is Germany from he. Ludwig is just as careful as Alfred is and then some. He's methodical, watching his lover's reactions and Ludwig makes sure to touch every inch of Alfred even after he's succeeded in bringing him back to the surface. He makes sure Alfred knows he's just as perfect as he calls Ludwig.

Ludwig always pulls Alfred up onto the bed, coaxing him to the headboard and grabs onto Alfred as their kisses get heated. He makes sure he doesn't hold back when he does either. Alfred made it clear that he doesn't want any holds barred. Not to hold anything back and _let go_.

It's something Ludwig can do and Alfred appreciates it. Especially on bad days that they can't shake despite everything they try.

Alfred would press Ludwig down against the mattress, watching as he spreads his legs to give him room to get closer and does so. He kisses hard and fists Ludwig's hair as he delves deeper into the frustration he's releasing. The roughness that they know Ludwig can handle and give back just as good.

Ludwig grabs at Alfred's back, digging his nails in and leaving long, angry lines in their wake as they descend. He gasps as Alfred pulls away from his mouth in favor of sinking his teeth into his neck. A moan is uttered as they rock their hips, grating against each other as their hands go anywhere and everywhere.

Alfred reaches down, grabbing hold of the bottom of Ludwig's thighs, urging them around his waist as he pants against Ludwig's shoulder. And he always does as he's asked, too into the moment to truly care about how it may seem to anyone else. Ludwig knows Alfred won't judge him for it and that their secrets are safe in the bedroom.

Always, always safe.

They leave marks on each other and leave nothing unsaid.

Ludwig wraps his arms around Alfred's neck to pull him in to whisper that he loves him and that he's stronger than he thinks. It's breathless, cut off by the occasional hitch of breath and moan, but the meaning is still the same.

And Alfred always holds on tight as he buries his face into Ludwig's chest.


End file.
